Tuesday, March 27, 2012

How to be a parent like our parents

Nowadays, there are a lot of so called 'gym' for kids and play area in almost all the shopping malls you go to. I personally think that it's a waste of money taking your kids to these places but with the limited times you have on your daily schedule, you can't help but be thankful for these places where you can leave your child while you run your errands and be in peace that there's someone looking after them, running and jumping around.

No, we didn't grow up like that and we turned up fine.

I spent my childhood cycling from one park to another, sometimes with my parents, sometimes with friends. God knows how much I want to do the same with my kids but it's really dangerous cycling along the busy road nowadays.

Gone are the days that roaming around the neighbourhood alone or with some friends are not a big issue. Parents now can't let their kids out of their sight even at the tiny sundry shop down the street that belong to that uncle you've known all your life just by making short stops to and back from school not so long ago.

I want my kids to be able to do all those things.

Cycle around enjoying the morning sun or the afternoon wind, walk and run around at the playground teasing the Touch-Me-Nots, smell the grass after it rains and or even walk to the mall and making pit stops  at each of their friends' house along the way.

We try as much as we can to take our kids to parks just for morning walks on weekends. But with our tight schedule and leaving everything else aside work for the weekend, the key word here is TRY. I know some parents whose idea of taking the kids for a day out means taking them to the mall and I certainly wouldn't want to be that kind of parent.

I guess to be able to do all those and have a career at the same time you have no choice BUT to be a supermom.

Now, bring me all the energy boosters, multivitamins and what nots.

Friday, March 16, 2012

As expected...

As expected, Nadyne asked about her Tok Mae again last night.

I wrote earlier (2 posts ago) that we have to re-visit this topic every now and then and true enough, we did. This time, she wants to have her birthday party at Tok Mae's house! Hahaha!!

I asked her why. She told me, "no reason. Just so everyone can come to Tok Mae's house".

Anyway, I told her it's out of the question. I mean, I'm sure her Tok G, Umi Putri, Ami Putra and Uncle Irsyad wouldn't want to adjust their schedule just to have her party at their house. Sigh.

I wonder what will she be asking for next.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

The Blame Game

Last week we read in the papers that a 5 year old girl went missing after going to the shop across the road from her house alone to buy noodles and eggs. The distraught mum was seen in the papers almost everyday, crying, wishing for her daughter's return.

Today, the front page of the newspaper said "charred remains of the girl was found just about 7km away from her house". 

Again, the papers showed a picture of the mum crying after the news of her daughter's death got out.

Just a few days after news of the missing child were published, many have expressed their anger at the mother of the child mainly for allowing her 5 year old daughter to go to the shops alone. 

Initially, I felt the same too. How could a mother let her 5 year old roam about, alone? 

A 5 year old!

After reading the articles, I actually wasn't surprised at all at the fact that the girl was allowed to go to the shops alone. 

You see, if you've ever stayed at a kampung (village) anywhere in Malaysia, you'd understand it. 

It is generally safe to let your child run around unattended if you were living in a kampung although nowadays, after all these cases of missing children in the past few years, you would think twice. But, nonetheless, it is quite safe and you should not judge the parents.

In a kampung, everybody and anybody within the area is somehow related and know each other. They know where you stay, whose child you are, the occupation of the parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, how you're related to whom and so on. 

The same applies to the family of the missing girl. 

She went to a shop that belongs to her relatives, not far from home, alone. Along the way, she must've walked pass some houses of more relatives and they would've seen her. At least, the shop owner would have. It was said by the mum that most kids in the area played by themselves, among themselves, without adult supervision all the time since everyone knows everyone else. 

Looking back at my childhood, I understand. I went through the same thing too. My brother went through the same thing. So did my cousins and neighbours' kids. We played by ourselves all the time, unsupervised. 

So, what was the difference? Nothing.

Except maybe that she was unlucky.

Or perhaps that maybe the world has changed so much that we can't trust even our relatives anymore.

Or just maybe, if you're a believer, that God loves her more and it's time for her to go.

Whatever it is, do not the blame the parents for letting her go alone in the first place.

Yes, it is easy to do that. It's unfair to do that.

But just take a moment to think and imagine how it would be like if you were in her parents' shoes. 

Would you have done it differently? 

Just saying...

Monday, March 5, 2012

Evil C - The Silent Killer

I lost an aunt a year ago on the 11th of March to cancer. These days, it's never a surprise anymore whenever you hear news of someone's death due to the evil C.

She was really dear to me and we were very close. She's the aunt you run to whenever you have problems, refer to whenever you have queries, the person you call first to share good news. Her house was the hang out spot for both my brother and I when I was single, and my husband and daughter after I got married and had my daughter. We were with her all the way since she first found out about the evil C until the last days of her life.

My daughter still asks for her once in a while. She asked me where her Tok Mae was again just a few weeks ago. Said she missed her and wanted to see her. So, I had to explain to her again that she's gone and that we'd never get to see her, ever. Then, she mentioned that she remembers visiting Tok Mae at the hospital because she was sick. So, I told her, again, that Tok Mae is no longer sick and she's with the Creator and that she's happy now.

This topic of conversation between me and my daughter will happen every now and then and will happen again in a few months' time, several more times I hope, in the future. I don't mind discussing about it with her again and again because it shows that she remembers her Tok Mae still and I hope she'll remember her for quite a long time more.

Umi Mae, as I called her, always said that I was like a daughter to her. When I got married, she said that she hoped her daughter would find the right person, get married and be happy like me. When I was pregnant with my 1st child, she said that she hoped her daughter will have no problems when her time comes, like me. When I gave birth to my daughter, she hoped that her daughter would be as tough and strong as I was.

I hoped for none of that. I pray that her daughter would be a hundred times happier, tougher and stronger than I was/am just because she had a brave and wonderful mother.

I wouldn't be happy if I don't have my complete family with me. I would probably had problems if my mom weren't there to advise on my pregnancy. I certainly wouldn't have been strong and tough if my mom weren't in labour with me. And I definitely would not have dealt the way her daughter had when her mom left us on her wedding day.

Weeks before she passed, we were all busy preparing for her daughter's wedding. I had found out that I was pregnant with my second child. She was delighted upon receiving that news.

She never got to see my son.

It would be exactly a year this Sunday since she passed. Ironically, her daughter will be celebrating her 1st year anniversary with her husband on that very same day. How on earth do we celebrate that, we often ask ourselves.

Our thoughts and memories of her remains fresh and always will be in each and every one of our hearts. I really hope that my daughter remembers her well so she could tell her siblings about her cool grand aunt they didn't have the chance to meet.

Whatever it is, I know she's smiling down at us right now.

We so miss you, Umi Mae - Al Fatihah.

                                       She's not one who loves taking photos as you can see.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Full Of Life and Hope

So, I wrote in my 1st post that I was writing on my daughter's blog before I started my own. It now has a few followers and the stats are quite impressive... considering that we only did it for fun.

The reason why it's called that is because that's the meaning of her name. Aryanna Nadyne.

And yes, she is full of life! I can't begin to tell you how fast she picks up on things and words and habits... Every single day there'll be something new that she picks up from playschool or just from people around her that will just leave you speechless.

I'm really hopeful that she grows up to be the same person - full of life and hope in whatever she does.

And I hope her brother looks up to her and be there for her whenever she needs him.


Thursday, March 1, 2012

And then there were two...

I recently gave birth to my 2nd child, a boy. My 1st, a daughter will be turning 4 in April. Since I came back to work mid December last year, I felt that there were just not enough hours in a day! Between breastfeeding my baby, work and house chores, whatever energy and time left is to give some attention to my daughter. I know she sometimes feel left out since everyone's attention is now on the baby.

She loves her baby brother, don't get me wrong. She adores him. And you can see that the brother adores her too. He'll turn to look for her the minute he hears her voice and looks amusingly at the sister everytime she talks to him. It's been like that ever since he was able to pay attention to something or someone. It wasn't to me or the father, but the sister.

It's kind of fascinating how he recognises his sister's voice. Afterall, she's been talking to her brother since he was in my tummy. That's what she did. Almost every night before going to bed, she'll talk to my tummy. She'll just say things like how excited she was to be having a little brother or how she can't wait for him to come out. You'd never thought that the brother would be familiar with the voice once he's out. Now that he's turned 4 months, he listens attentively to the sister everytime she tells him something. He smiles immediately at the sight of his sister and gets excited when she teases him.

Gone were the days when I used to take my daughter shopping. Just the two of us.

Now, it takes up a whole load of energy just by getting both of them ready and by the time we get into the car, they'll already be grumpy or I'll be grumpy and sweating profusely. A couple of hours would be enough to drain out all the energy I managed to get from the few hours of sleep the night before.

You know the portrayal of a mom pushing a stroller, enjoying herself with her child, looking good, window shopping or just strolling, breathing fresh air you always read in novels or see in movies?

Yeah... you can forget about that now. That was then.

But somehow or rather, you'll forget about all your pain and tiredness you gained from one short trip when you stop and look at them both, talking and playing with each other at the end of the day. The apparent connection between siblings somehow amazes you when it's really obvious that they sense the connection between them themselves.

The best thing of all, instead of having the privilege to watch my daughter grow up, I'm now also able to see my son grow. I've been through all these before but I'm still amused at how they learn things and develop their skills.

A friend recently told me that somehow, there's something soothing about a baby's grip.

I agree.

I'm gonna go get my grip now. I miss it.

Why now?

All the while I've been writing on my daughter's blog. I decided to start my own to express my thoughts and rants. So here I am, writing my first post and guess what...? I have no idea whatsoever in what to write about! How odd is that?

Anyways, I'll definitely be back, maybe sooner than you thought (since I'd be going back to face the kids soon!) 

Meanwhile, do take care.