Tuesday, June 19, 2012

The Big C Strikes Again

I cringe every time I get news of someone diagnosed with cancer, especially if that someone is close to me, or someone I've met before. Yes, I've lost an aunt who's dear to me to that evil disease. Read about it here.

Recently, I received that dreadful news again. 

I have a huge family and we're very close. We have a couple of family doctors who my grandparents, uncles and aunts go to for the family disease - heart and diabetes. I myself have known these doctors for years.

Recently, the unthinkable happened. One of them was diagnosed with cancer.

When you have a permanent doctor or doctors you go to everytime someone in your family fall sick, you start to think that the doctors will always be there for every single one of you. We forget that they are humans too and are capable of falling sick, just like us. 

Have you ever watched a thriller or horror movie where when something shocking happens a loud thunder suddenly appears together with the sound of horns? 

That was how it felt like when I received the news. It hit me like an enormous brick that fell right on top of my soft, tiny head with a sound deafening to everyone's ears that made them jump and stare into space.

If the disease were a man, I would've held him by his throat, tell him that it's so rude of him to come and interfere with our lives again, probably punch him a few times on the face and say 'don't you dare come near us ever again!'

When my aunt managed to beat it the first time, we all felt so relieved. It was a victory for her and all of us who fought with her. We celebrated and cheered while the disease walked away carrying the white flag, head down with shame.

But of course, that wasn't the case at all.

We thought we were the stronger ones. Alas, it had tricked us by pretending to walk away and then come back quietly, ambushing us and severed us more.

That time, it came back stronger than ever.

That time, it was there to stay. That time, it stayed all the way till the end.

Now, it's happening again.

What do we do? How do we kill It?

Yes, I'm angry - at It. How dare it comes back and made its presence felt. It's as if it's mocking us, grinning, snickering right to our faces.

We're helpless.

But I'm hoping for miracles still. It does happen every now and then, right?

Monday, June 11, 2012

The Devil Inside

So we're trying to save up for this trip to visit my cousin in Helsinki we've been planning for so long. She's finally coming back to Malaysia for good at the end of the year so this is our absolutely last chance to go visit the place while she's there.

For months I've been trying so hard to save up but there was always something we had to do or somewhere we had to go to that needed money spent on. Well, I admit that some were just my weakness in abstaining myself from the sheer pleasure of a new dress for that theme party I had to attend or shoes to match that new pants I just bought or a new bag because I don't have that colour yet or even coffee at Starbucks because it's a different kind of coffee from the one you have at home. 

So, how do I do this? 

How do I refrain myself from all my guilty pleasures? I tell myself you will find a nicer top when we travel soon or a better pair of shoes abroad so no one else will be wearing the same thing here but a woman always have to have that particular pair of shoes to match that particular pair of skirt that can only go with that other particular pair of blouse because no other style of shoes can go with them. 

Apart from that, we have our outdoor activities too. Like the street race we took part last month, the motor  hunt we're taking part 2 weeks from now, the waterfall abseiling, rock climbing and everything else in between that need money. Not to mention weddings to attend, family trips and Eid preparations. 

I guess I'll just have to fight this shopaholic devil I've been keeping inside of me for the longest time. If worst comes to worst I'll just scour around the house for things to sell. 

I'm sure I can find some bags or shoes or blouses that I no longer need or err... have never worn before because I forgot I have it in the first place...